Its raining here. A cold, steady rain that is forcing me back and forth to the coffee pot.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Its a burden.
One I gladly bear.
This weather reminds me of the first time we moved here to NC. It was exactly 4 years ago, during the first weeks of March. It was raining and we were staying in a horrendous motel, waiting for the closing of our new home.
As I was reminiscing this morning about that time, I could almost feel the insecurity I felt back then.
We moved from Texas to North Carolina, right in the middle of The Boy's 1st grade year. I was leaving a group of friends that knew me well. I wasn't really thrilled with moving, but was doing so for The Mister's job. I was comfortable and happy. I had my niche and circle of influence.
We get here, and we don't know a soul, and now I have to try to get in with "The Mom's" in a new school, in the middle of the year. This is not easy, as groups have formed, friendships are made. I was feeling insecure.
I never really knew how insecure I was feeling until I started having this re-occurring dream:
I'm driving the white mini-van to school.
The kids are buckled in their seats.
We approach the school and make a left into the driveway.
I pull into the line of cars at the drop off curb.
I bring the car to a stop to wait.
I look down.
I'm not wearing a shirt.
In my dream I start to panic: What will the teacher think? What if another mom sees me? How will I explain? They are going to think I'm weird! I'm boxed in by the carpool lane, how can I get out?
I always woke up before we reached our turn. Whew!
I haven't had that dream in awhile now, but it makes me laugh because I can still vividly remember my re-occurring dream as a little girl...I was walking to school, tin Holly Hobby lunch box in hand, cool desert air licking my face. I walk up to the enormous red brick wall outside the classroom to line up with the my classmates. I look down, and realize I have forgotten to put on my shirt.
Its always the shirt. The rest of the clothes make it on, but I always forget the shirt.
What about you? What is your re-occurring dream?