Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Melting of Winter

"See! The winter is past;

    the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
    the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
    is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
    my beautiful one, come with me.”
~Song of Solomon 1:11-13

Spring has sprung all around, but my heart still holds winter. It's been hard to shake the ice from the cobwebs of my thinking. 

Not that there has been great crises, or catastrophic events that hold me hostage. But often neglected little things sneak in and stir up grief: A friend moving far away; Children who expand their wings in prep for flight;  Unexpected news that seems unfair. And then, there's that thorn in the flesh-- that one thing that doesn't always sit noticed at the front (which makes you think you've licked it.) Just when you aren't paying attention, you find you're back for a refresher course-- a humbling reminder that you are not your own. 

In the midst of these things, I cling to what comes so natural to me: distraction. Busy-ness, Facebook, Netflix. Self. Barren places that carry no seeds for life. 

So spring came late to my heart. 

Over the years, in order to avoid pain (big or small, I deal with it all the same,) distractions looked different, and perhaps I assumed they were more significant: too much exercise, over-focus on food, self-medicating, tight scheduling. But all distractions do the same thing: they keep our focus off of the One who gently calls come to me

He calls, and though I know the freedom of His garden, the distractions render me lazy. I no longer remember with clarity the joy set before me. I've settled for much, much less.

What's more? Only He sees the depths of my heart, where beauty doesn't reign, still he calls, "my beautiful one, come." Which humbles me all the more. 

Stubborn pride, deliberate disfunction, and unlovely places in the heart… and he calls out beautiful. Why wouldn't I run when He offers freedom in the garden of His truth? I need only the willingness to get up and go; to do what is not natural to me and set aside distractions. Let Him into the pain, He will do the rest. Only God can plant the seeds that give life (and healing) to the soul. Here on earth and in heaven. 

The winter of my heart has just begun to melt and it started with a call: "Come, my beautiful one, come with me."

Monday, November 17, 2014

Thoughts on a Candlelit Monday

This morning a winter rain falls on the heels of a polar wind. The last of wet leaves fall from their branches. A heavy fog has settled in our corner of the piney woods. My heart feels heavy too. The weather forces me to stillness. 

It's often the "little things" in life that interrupts focus from Truth and knocks me off-course. These days I find myself in new emotional territory as a mom. As usual I feel out of my depth. In truth, it's less about them, and more about me. Pride isn't easy to set down. Sadly, trusting never comes easy. For me, it is always the hard way.

In an attempt to comfort myself with the warmth of a cozy home I light candles, and the flame sparks a memory:

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake them. (Isaiah 42:16)

Like the strike of a match it flares: gratitude for promises given, and promises kept. We're not meant to walk in foreign lands alone. He brings the light, He will do it. "You need only to be still."

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Taking it In

"Jesus looked at him and loved him." - Mark 10:21

There once was a rich young man who had every thing on earth he could possibly desire. But when the Savior of the world looked in his eyes, and loved Him, that rich young man missed what he needed most of all.

I've read this story so many times: perched upon the edges of small beds while tucking brown headed children in for the night; studying with like-minded women who seek comfort for their weary hearts; enfolded in quilts, on cold winter mornings, while candles burn and coffee brews.

I've read it, but this week those six little words have fallen like whispers on readied ears: "Jesus looked at him and loved him." And I wonder, am I missing what I need the most because my focus is wrong? Am I staring in the face of The Loveliest of All, and yet still considering what else I should do?

He looks at me, and he loves me? 

It's shocking, even after all these years.

This week has brought some amazing color to our little corner of the Carolina's. The trees are in full display and the sunsets have set my heart on the beauty of God's creative world. Several times I have been unable to adhere to the agenda; I've literally pulled off the road just to take it all in.

Golden leaves and fire skies. A walk in the woods with my man at my side. The beaming smile of a cowgirl at the end of the day. When I see these radiant displays of His glory, I can't help but ponder "he looks at us, and he love us… go and follow Him."

Isn't that what we all want, to be seen (truly known!) and loved anyway? With God that is possible. He promises it is so...

"Teach me, LORD, the way of your decrees, that I may follow it to the end." ~Psalm 119:33

Friday, November 07, 2014

The Little House on the Hill: Gifts Recieved

This week has been full, and I am grateful to have had the time to contemplate and rest. We've had our share of hurts and hangups, but we've had more than our fair share of grace. I thought I'd share a few of  gifts I've been given this week:

~The time change. It changes more than just the minutes. It changes how I view them. The back yard is flooded with brilliant light that I would have missed just a week ago. Gaining an hour slows my pace and lengthens my thinking. There are still only 24 hours in the day, but something magical happens when the clock "falls back," allowing more time to enjoy beautiful warmth on a cool morning.

~ On Saturdays the people of this house scatter. It's very rare that we are all here, all day. Last weekend was the first weekend in so many months that we were all home. The Boy had a friend here, so I made a big pot of Albondiga soup and warmed up the tortillas. It had been so long since we had had a sit-down lunch together, it just made me happy. We still have dinner together most nights of the week, but there is something special about  breaking bread tortillas together when it isn't the normal way. It felt like a gift, and I'm thankful.

~I've written about the Camellia before, but her pink face shines when the cold winds blows in, and I'm thankful for the beauty of a creative God. My Camellia is heavy with blossom, a gift I always forget is coming.

~Our sweet Holland Lop, Penny, found a new home this week. We brought Penny home in March 2010, and she has really been a great pet. But as The Girl has gotten older and more involved with school and outside activities (not to mention the time her puppy takes to be cared for) poor Penny wasn't getting the attention she craved and deserved. We have a friend we met at The Barn, and she raises rabbits and shows them each year at different farming venues. We are so thankful for the gift of Penny, and we are relieved to know she will not only be given basic needs, but the attention and love we want her to have.

~My heart was craving extra solace this week. Not because of any particular burden I carry, or sadness that dwells, but because the changes of weather and time always turn my thoughts deeper. So I went to the website of our church in Fort Worth, Texas, Christ Chapel Bible Church. That body of believers holds a special place in my heart because I "grew up" there. I walked with the Lord through the deepest of sorrows, supported by that body, and as a result, my relationship with the Lord was changed for the better. I gathered strength in the Lord like I've never done before or since, and to this day I am grateful.

With all that said, I found myself digging through the archives of past sermons and found the #worthitall sermon series on the topic of suffering. If you are suffering, if you know someone who is suffering, or ever just wonder why suffering seems to mark our lives when we serve a God who has self-proclaimed to be good... please watch this series. The first sermon is entitled Only At Disneyland. Start with that one, and the link will direct you to the others. I'd recommend printing out the sermon sheets too. The whole series is a gift.

~ I'm so grateful to have shared a cup of tea (and a heaping dose of prayer) in my studio with my BritishBFF. My heart is full. In about six months time she'll pack up her blond headed family and move across the pond after nearly seven years of American living. The mix of feelings in my heart is more than I can write, but I'm thankful for this kindred spirit... and that we have already established Skype accounts.

~This week I had a conversation with a different friend to clear up a misunderstanding where I was at fault. I'm so thankful for God's grace, and that there are those who willingly and lavishly, extend grace when it's asked for.

These are just a few of the gifts I've received this week in the Little Yellow House on the Hill. Oh, that my eyes never dull, and I see many more...

Monday, November 03, 2014

Just In Time

We had a cool day at the end of August that turned my focus to fall. I began to dream of sitting under a soft warm afghan with hot beverages in my hand.

Last year, with a few bucks in my pocket, I made an impromptu stop at the craft store. This is almost always the perfect storm for random purchasing of yarn. I came home with an (overflowing) armful of jewel-tone colored yarn, and a pound of stark white. And it sat on a shelf, for over a year,  just waiting for inspiration to strike.

Sometimes, when I'm avoiding the laundry, or really any calling of the domestic life, I browse the inter webs for crochet inspiration.

It happened on that late August day, when the scent of fall came subtly on the wind. I found the recipe for my not-forgotten yarn: Purl Soho's Bear Rainbow Blanket.

The squares stitched up easily, though I did slightly change the corner stitches on the outside border of each square.

When I had the color part of the squares done, I didn't like the stark white, so I marched back to the store for something soothing and soft. I found a creme color that fit the bill.

This weekend I wasn't feeling well, still battling a chest cold I've battled for over a month. But my art classes were finished, and it was a good weekend to shut things down and sit a spell. So I rested and stitched putting squares together; tucking in yarn tails while the cold November air settled outside. In total it took eight weeks to complete, but she is finished just in time.

She might be my favorite afghan so far.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014


Things are feeling decisively Octoberish, which is just fine with me.

September felt like a rush of happy events. All good things, but I'm certainly ready for some Octoberish rest.

We started September with one last trip to the sea. A birthday celebration of a dear friend, and a chance to getaway with two other couples. We stayed in a condo right on the beach. Lovely, is all I can say. It was the first time we had left our now BIG-kids at home and they did great. Oh! how far we have come from those early days on this blog. {Wow, just went back to archives, 9 years ago… that truly was Confessions of a Grade School Mom. I can tell you, that was the last time I've had a hard-lemonade (yuck!)…  I can tell you my m&m habits have not changed. But those sweet babies… whew! I'm quickly approaching that target-shopping mama… but that's for another day.}

When we got home from the beach it was time to start teaching art, which I really enjoy. I will admit, teaching two full days a week has been an adjustment. I've had to re-learn how to manage the home, school, and extra curricular activities while "working." But when my little artists are sitting at my table, it feels like a privilege.

Special Olympics Equestrian Tournament is also a September event. This year The Girl was old enough to be a youth volunteer. I hope to sit down in a few days to post my thoughts on this year's events, but I can tell you this: spending a weekend with the riders, families, and volunteers working diligently for one goal is an amazing experience. It is long and hard work, but getting to share in the joy of others is a valuable gift, and far exceeds the effort. More on that to come…

Before we could wash the horse dust from our chaps it was time to dive into birthday celebrations for my seventeen year-old. Seventeen sounds so old, and honestly, I've struggled. It is hard for me to sit in the moment today, without thinking about the tomorrows. But I'm learning to keep my mind steadfast
on the gifts given right now. So we celebrated The Boy (who is quickly becoming a man)
with cake, and friends, and lots of love. It was a great birthday!

This month also brought a change in the air, and on the trees. Everything is getting ready to show their color before a long winters rest. I love to watch the change from day to day.

September has been full and hearty, and October feels like a good time to rest.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

A Work in Process: The Studio

My studio is shaping up as I prepare for a new year of teaching art.

Earlier this month I walked into a local consignment shop and had a love-at-first-sight moment with an antique breakfast hutch. I wanted to take her home then and there, but I hemmed and hawed (and hemmed some more) and waited three weeks to bring her home. I have to be honest, I don't do this sort of thing with furniture and home goods, but in two weeks I will have nearly 20 students coming to the house each week for art class. I needed some place to store supplies.

Now I can't imagine what I did without it. I love to just sit and look at the shelving and am very thankful to have a home for the endless supply of paper and paints in the cupboards and drawers of this beautiful hutch.

Of course, this new piece of furniture required a complete overhaul of the studio. I threw out/gave away over 10 bags of scrap fabric, leftover yarn, crayons, used paper, stickers, decade-old scrapbooking supplies, patterns, dried paint, empty markers, chewed up pencils, and sorted through several years of Christmas cards sent to us over the last 2 decades. Whew! it was a crazy three days… but, I am so happy to have an organized space; to have the WHOLE table to work on! {swoon}

The minute everything was in place I wanted to play, but I also didn't want to mess things up too much. I chose the least messy project to start: crochet.  I re-opened my Etsy shop (after a two-year hiatus) and listed my Blue Flowered Cowl and the Vintage Lace Wrap for sale. Then I made a blanket for a new baby at our church, based on a free pattern inspired by Call the Midwife. The pattern was simple and easy to follow, and I finished it quickly. When it was done I decided I needed to try my hand (again) at a Japanese pattern for a scarf. My favorite thing about that scarf is the name of the pink yarn: Rosalinda. (I pick my nail polish based on names too.) In the end, I'll wear it, but it is too short---which is what sometimes happens when you are using scrap yarn.

When Rosalinda was finished, I was "in the zone" and my crochet hook would not be put down. So I found this post on Moogly for a hat using a QuadTr (who knew?) to make really cool looking braids. By the end of last week, I had made one in Paloma Grey, and another in Oatmeal. This afternoon I have started a Popcorn Blanket square, though I'm not sure I'll make a whole blanket, I'd like to see how this pattern works out. That, my friends, is how you spell c-r-o-h-e-t--c-r-a-z-y. But, I'm using up a drawer full of yarn and I'm grateful for this last summer whirl of creative fiber art. Soon it will be time to haul out the paints and have fun with my students. Can't wait!