T.M.I.

You are about to know more about me than you really ever cared to know.

If hearing about medical stuff grosses you out, then the short story is: I'm fine!

The long story is: I don't have an angry appendix. Apparently I have angry ovaries. For the two men reading this blog I am sorry to write about ovaries on the ol' blog. But it is what it is.

Here is the main point of the whole silly saga...Apparently my ovaries are twins that enjoy dressing alike, we'll call them Lefty and Righty, and they are identical in that they both have cysts that are hemorrhaging, just a bit. Apparently, this is actually a painful thing, unless you have tough ovaries like mine, that are only hurt when the cysts get bored and decide it's time to bust. According to the sonograms and ex-rays the bleeding has stopped, and I may have some discomfort for a little while, but things should resolve themselves with time.

Lefty has a cyst as well. If I have pain on that side sometime soon, I will know why.

I am grateful for your prayers, and phone calls, and emails, and comments. I am sorry I worried you. If I hadn't been told it was appendicitis by a couple of doctors I wouldn't have worried y'all. I also wouldn't have EVER gone to the emergency room. Because that place is scary.

The other good news? Because I did the diagnosis in an 8 hour Emergency Room visit, I can proudly tell you that my spleen, pancreas, liver, kidneys, fingernails, eyeballs, and yes, appendix, are healthy and in working order. I can also tell you, with certainty, that receiving a Foley catheter with an epidural (before giving birth) is a much better option. Oh and also, when the gal who comes to put it in that catheter tells you she's "new", you might insist that she get someone to help her on the first (or second) try. Although apparently three time's (and a nurse who knows what she's doing) a charm.

The surgeon wanted me to stay over night for more morphine and observation, but I just couldn't stay there. In my opinion, morphine is not nearly good enough for an over night stay in the ER.Especially since they didn't have any rooms left in the hospital, and had plans to keep me in the ER bed overnight, next to a moaning old lady who had the TV turned up very loud. The ER was a mess full of people hacking and barfing and screaming. They called three Codes in the eight hours I was there. It was chaos and bedlam.

Since the ER staff and docs thought that my story was going to end with me in the Operating Room, I had been kept (NPO) all day. Which meant I had had nothing to eat or drink all day, with the exception of three gigantic cups of ice cold "contrast" that I needed for the CT ex-ray. Yummy stuff, let me tell you...

Out of all the things they did to me, hearing that I would have to stay the night regardless of surgery, was the most painful thing (and the only thing I actually shed tears over). I couldn't stand the thought of being there all night. As long as my major organs were fully operational, I couldn't see any reason why I should stay, so I got the OB/GYN doc to discharge me.

So that's the scoop. I am at home, taking ibuprofen because narcotics aren't necessary. I have promised to take it easy today. But tomorrow I am going back to the regularly scheduled program, because as long as I know that my appendix isn't going to explode I am pretty much all about moving on with life. Grouchy ovaries and all.

La Vida Dulce