Friday, April 23, 2010

Two Words: Choose Courage

Parenting well,
My desire.
Letting go,
It's hard.
Trusting others,
Harder still.

As babies,
Held close,
Under wing,
On breast.
Always near.

But kids 
Grow upward,
and outward,
and independent.
Healthy. Good.

Time's come.
Dreaded most.
Feelings rule,
Need prayer.

Sending Girl,
To camp.
Two days.
Only two.

She's Excited, 
Happy, Nervous. 
Not afraid.
Not Afraid.

I am.

This fear,
Not hers.
My baggage.
My experience.

Never mentioned,
On blog,
I'm survivor,
Many years.
Sex abuse.

Words look
ugly here.

Truth is,
My story.

I'm OK.
Worked hard,
Healthy, Happy.
Grateful. Loved.
Much support.

Even so,
Some times,
Fear reigns.
Robs joy,
Steals focus.
Tempts me,
To despair.

Lies dormant
for awhile.
A week.
A month.
A year.
Wakes up,
Sneaks in,
Takes over.

Brown eyes.
Tender heart.
Innocent face.
Bring back
Irrational desire
To protect.

God Loves,
He protects.
He holds,
Them. Me.
Under wing,
On breast.
Always near.

Little girl,
Have fun!
Be free!
Don't fear.
Trust God.
Experience life.
Climb trees.
Eat smores.
Laugh hard.
Make friends.
Sleep well.
Come home.
Ask to
Go again.

I'll pray,
And trust.
Walk proud,
Face fear.
In courage.
Choosing life.
Really living.


Blue Skies said...

I love your courage for posting this. G is a blessed girl to have you. I am a blessed woman to know you. If anybody I know really lives, it is you.

Stephanie said...

Wow. I know those fears (not the same as your but my own). Love this, and praying courage for you.

Anonymous said...

wow, that is so beautiful and brave and such a blessing. thank you

Gretchen said...

Blue Skies said it well.

I always see you choosing life. And I love you so, dear Carolina-Island Girl. Will be praying... Xxxooo

Sandy said...

K., I know it took courage to write this (& done so beautifully). Praying that God gives you complete peace & that G. will have a wonderful experience. It is hard for all of us to "let go" & yet be wise in the release process. Thanks for sharing this so we can be praying.

Tiffani said...

love you much.

O Mom said...

I know about having my own fears and not wanting to put them on my girls, it's so hard.
Thank you for sharing and I'll be praying, for her, but for you too.

Rebecca said...

Beautiful and courageous and honest.

Marketing Gurl said...

I love reading posts like this to a reminder of being a mom...this is a great poem.

Candace said...

Moved me to tears.

You've ravished the heart of God, Kellie, by your love and trust in Him. Thank you for sharing such profound truth today.


Anonymous said...

Love you more that I can express!

Jen said...

I am in tears, Kellie. You are crazy brave.
Praying for you as you continue to heal and grow. xoxo

LJ said...

Thanks for putting into words that crazy circle some of us experience. Your words are beautiful, honest and brave. Miss you sweet friend.

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Oh Kellie.
Many prayers.
For you.
For her.
So honest.
So brave.
So beautiful.
Thank you.

Love you.
So much.

Full report.
Next week.
Pretty please?

Carpool Queen said...

I am so proud of you when I see HER sweet open adventurous spirit. How easy it would be for you to draw her into a darkness of fear because of the awful evilness done to you.



And that joy is so evident in her little face and in your spirit and it is such a testimony of the overwhelming power of the God we serve to bring you from that place to where you are now.

I am so proud to be your friend.

I am so proud to love that little girl.


Tracey said...

You are loved.

Amber said...

Oh, Kellie. How your words spoke straight to my core.

God used you today, friend.

Becca @ My Crazy Good Life said...

Your are amazing. Do you know that?

Rachel said...

Just read your post. Loved your beautiful poem. You are a brave and strong woman and I am honored and proud to know you! You are such an inspiration to many, and especially to your daughter I know!

whimzie said...

I understand.
All too well.

Part of me is mad that I know how you feel
Because the reason I know how you feel
Is I feel that way, too.

But part of me is glad that I know how you feel
Because I know exactly how I can pray for you
Because I know the cries of my own heart.

Ashes to beauty indeed.

Thank you for your being transparent AND vulnerable.

Megan O. said...

Kellie, I loved what you wrote and loved the comments you got. Thanks for being so vulnerable. I love watching you walk this parenting road a few steps ahead of me. You're doing it well.

meh said...

Blessings for taking something so hard and allowing God to make it a tender encouragement to others! Beautiful! I am so glad the girl had a blast within the security of God's arms!