Wednesday, October 17, 2007

A Wednesday Word - The Big Reveal

I mentioned in a post a couple days ago that I would be making my Arizona stage debut. And it's true. But there is a story behind it...

My Mom has had the same manicurist for 15 years. She's a nice lady with a big heart. She goes to a small church that has little money. Last year, when I didn't live here, she felt God had placed it on her heart to organize a concert to raise money for the Women's ministry. She said that last years concert was her first, and that she had learned a lot, but she was able to raise about $200 for the ministry, a considerable chunk of change for her little church of "old ladies and bikers", her words not mine.

Several weeks ago, my mom called and said that the manicurist had asked if I would be interested in singing in the concert this year. For the love of my mother, her friend and a curiosity about what this was all about I called the Manicurist.

We set up an appointment for a free pedicure so she could give me the details. Meanwhile I prayed about it and spoke with The Mister and decided that since it benefited women's ministry (which is near and dear to my heart) it would be a good thing to do.

My excitement grew as I anticipated my pedicure and the chance to sing some songs that I have really been wanting to sing.

In my heart I had committed to singing. I had prayed and the Lord had said Yes!

So I sit down in the salon and she begins to work on my feet and she starts talking details about the concert. I tell her I like her idea and basically tell her that I will be happy to sing for her concert.

Suddenly, the room was filled with talk; with the truth about last years concert. For lack of a better word, It sucked.

As a matter of fact the other manicurist in the salon, along with the client she was working on had sworn they would never go to another one of these concerts, if The Manicurist had the guts to organize another one.

So I am sitting there and am stuck between the lovely feeling of this woman working on my feet and the growing pit in my stomach that this gig wasn't going to be like singing at The Met (not that I have ever done that.)

As the days have passed my attitude of pride has grown bigger and bigger and I have become more doubtful, more insecure. Especially last night when she told me that she had a lady bag pipe player lined up for two to three songs. What?

I have been unable to get a hold of the piano player. I have never laid eyes on her, nor do I know is she can accompany singers (there is a big difference between a piano player and an accompanist!) and I started thinking that i probably wouldn't invite anyone to the concert, lest it be something I wouldn't be proud of. Or worse, wold be something I would be embarrassed I had participated in.

This morning in my quiet time I was humbled when I read this:1 Cor 10:30 -

....whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

This is the heart of my problem, as ugly as it is... You see, I am hung up on myself. This concert is not about me, or my talents, or my reputation! 'Cuz y'all, if I am honest that is what I am worried about.

What will people think of me if I am involved in something less than excellent? What will I do if I feel embarrassed by the other performers? What if weeks after the concert a bunch of ladies are all sitting around the salon talking about how horrid things were and that they will never go to something like that again.

Hello? Can we say diva?

I do believe the Lord has placed this opportunity in front of me for a reason. I hope that I can sing something of excellent quality, with a piano player who is actually able to play, but the reality is that it really doesn't matter, as long as I remember that it is about bringing glory to God. Who cares about my reputation when God is willing to use me for His glory? And He knows what my reputation is!

So that's the Word floating around in my head today; Bring glory to God. And not just in times when I am on "stage", but in the mundane things, or the things in life where I shlep my doubt and insecurities.

As a side note, one of the songs I am singing is by Cindy Morgan, Thank you, Lord.

Today I am thanking Him, because he uses me in spite of myself. And blesses me beyond measure. How could I ask for more?

Thank you Lord
There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama's face goodnight
Holding Daddy's hand
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
Running barefoot through the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more
So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way
So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more

5 comments:

Megan said...

Wow, thanks for sharing your heart and the lesson God is teaching you. You obviously have a tender heat toward Him and He will definitely honor that. Performing is such a tricky thing--finding that balance between doing something with excellence yet not seeking the glory for yourself. I've never felt like I was able to achieve that balance when performing publicly so it's refreshing to hear what God is teaching you through this. I'll be anxious to hear how it goes.

Blue Skies said...

As I sit here listening to my husband strum guitar and sing, feeling the encouragement that comes from hearing someone who loves the Lord sing for Him, I am sure that God will use you. Even if you are the only bright spot on that stage that night. I wish I could be there to hear your beautiful voice and hear the melody that goes to those meaningful words.

spaghettipie said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. It's such a good reminder for me today. You are a blessing.

Kellie said...

Thanks for all the encouragement! With friends like y'all, life is sweet!

kellie

Terri said...

A really great song choice, I think it will be a wonderful experience for everyone concerned. I have a card from Sr. Joan who used to be on the Casa board. It says, "O God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is!" The truth is that you are a gifted singer and an instrument of God's love in the world. Sing on!