Let me start by telling you a funny story. When my kids were little, (when I struggled the most with eating and body issues) we had a membership to the Fort Worth Zoo.
We loved that zoo and being a stay at home mom with a baby and a preschooler afforded me a lot of time in which to visit.
It was also during this period of time that The Mister threw out the scale in our bathroom.
Although I wasn’t thrilled with his decision to throw out what had become a big fixture in my life, I knew that it needed to go.
However, I went to great (and sneaky) lengths to figure out what I was weighing. This included using bathrooms at girlfriends houses; weighing at the gym; and sneaking to the bathroom isle in the Wal-Mart (and waiting for the guy who was picking out toilet brushes to go away) so I could get that all powerful number.
Yeah, I should be embarrassed to tell you that, but I’m not; What I am about to tell you is worse...
When I could not find a scale in which to weigh I could always count on our trip to the zoo. The zoo had an exhibit that included a large animal scale that weighed you according to chickens, goats or cows.
(I’m chuckling a little bit here at the absurdity.)
The exhibit literature informed you how much a chicken, goat or cow would weigh on average. Then you were to hop on the scale and it would weigh you in how many chickens, goats or cows your weight totaled.
I would start with the kids. “Come on,” I would say to The Boy, “Let’s see how many chickens you weigh? Oh look! You weigh 6 chickens!”
Innocent enough. I would need to play along, right?
Absolutely. But what my children didn’t know is that I was serious.
Serious about trying to see if I could be one less chicken by the next visit.
Seriously grateful I wasn’t multiple goats.
Seriously sick in the head.
I went through some pretty big hoops to find my value in the weight of many chickens.
So that’s some history.
Fast forward to present time. I’m not quite as sneaky about weighing myself anymore.
As a matter of fact, 30 days ago I would have told you that it wasn’t a problem at all. That’s not true.
This month I have realized how much I think about it; how much I depend on the scale to either boost my ego or ruin my day.
I realized that I use that number to give me the false sense that I’m OK. I give that number more weight than it deserves.
God accepts us for who we are. Our value is not defined in our outward appearance. How sad it is that I set confined parameters for His infinite love! The Good news? He will not be confined!
I find it fitting that one of my most all time favorite scriptures is Matthew 10:31 (although I didn’t make the connection until this very moment.)
So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many chickens sparrows.
I don’t live in that knowledge on a day to day basis. I let something as simple as numbers get in the way.
I wouldn’t be being honest if I didn’t tell you I’m actually contemplating not getting on that scale today. As much as I'm curious to know, there is also some fear. For the last four and a half weeks I have not been to the gym. The kids have been out of school, and with their swim team schedule it hasn’t been feasible. I’ve been running some (when the hot weather permits) and working out from home, but it’s not the same.
As someone who is an avid exerciser, not working out was unexpected twist. Honestly, had I known that it was going to work out this way, I probably wouldn’t have done it. I’m glad I didn’t know.
So what’s the truth in this circumstance?
The truth is that even without knowing the numbers or keeping the gym schedule, I feel all right. I still fit into my clothes, and although my muscles aren’t quite as defined, I know it’s nothing a few weeks back at the gym can’t whip back into shape...but there is a little fear.
Which is why I’m going to keep those True-ism cards close at hand.
If you have decided to join me in focusing on one True-ism a week, then get out your Numbers card and put it where you will see it often.
1 Sam 16:7-
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Lastly, The Mister has lovingly handed me my $20 winning. That was money well earned!
La Vida Dulce!