Throwback Thursday: Being Present

{Throwback Thursday post from the Archives: originally posted on Mar 19, 2009 - LVCG}

I'm in the middle of trying to plan a little family vacation, so i am going to use today's computer time for that. But I wanted to share one of my favorite pictures. This was before we had a digital camera so this picture looks fake ...but oh! this day was very real.

This was taken outside of Estes Park, Colorado on a trail that I think was called The Devils Backbone. It was the summer of 2003. 

This picture means so much to me because I was finally coming out of struggle in my life. 

I had had a long battle with myself; I was finally feeling free. I was in the early stages of being healthy--body, mind, and spirit. 

I was really living. 

The air was cool. A monsoon storm was threatening to roll over the valley that quietly sat beneath the opposite side of the ridge. 

I can still smell the rain on the wind, feel the dirt on my hands. I can see different shades of green foliage, blue sky, and red earth; with the dark clouds of black and grey, that couldn't have have darkened my spirit, even if it poured out heavy drops of rain. I looked into the deep brown eyes of my children; felt the dry, strong, hand of The Misters in mine.

I was alive. 

In that moment, I felt blessedly content.

The voice of a hawk called from the craggy crevices behind us. Daring us to walk closer, yet we stayed on the trail. We hiked to a bench that sat between the path overlooking the valley, we sat and watched bolts of bluish lightening make its presence known. 

It is something I will never forget...that time when I realized how amazing life can be when we choose to be present. 

Storms may be on the horizon. 

The trail maybe steep. 

But there is rest for the soul in the midst. Where we resist the call to leave the road marked before us, and stand in awe of all that is good. 

...where we can breathe deeply, and smile.

Jeremiah 6:16,

(MSG)

God's Message yet again:

   "Go stand at the crossroads and look around. 

   Ask for directions to the old road,

The tried-and-true road. Then take it. 

   Discover the right route for your souls."

    

Flying

Time is moving so quickly these days.

Its really just flying.

This week has been good.

But I've come to the realization that my job is changing... and yet the foundation stays the same.

Gone are the days of working hard all day with young children. Of waking up tired from holding sick babies all night and chasing/cleaning after preschoolers.

I am now one of those moms I used to envy. You know the one... she shops without her kids, sips latte's without sharing, isn't wearing gooey graham cracker on the front of her shirt. I have become that mom who can read poolside while the kids are swimming.

But, let me tell you what I am reading...

I'm reading on how to encourage my teenager toward healthy and strong relationships. I'm reading up on how to keep the heart, mind, and body pure in a world that treats relationship (and dating) as something that isn't revered, but looked upon as conquest.

I'm reading on how to help them be excellent communicators (and listeners) when our media-filled age is all about 140 character or less... when conversations that should be held face-to-face are texted-- when words that should be private are splattered all over Facebook.

I'm reading about how to help them see the value in who they have been created to be; to be content with the gifts and talents they have been uniquely given for their good and the to the glory of God. I'm trying to learn how to help them find a way in a society that praises the mean-girl and emasculates the good-boy.

I'm reading up on how to keep my kids spiritually and mentally healthy in a world that offers nothing of sustenance on which to feast, and then glorifies the emaciated mind and body.

I'm trying to gain knowledge and wisdom, help steer the way, but it isn't always easy and often the lessons learned are not just for them... but for me.

I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed again for wisdom. For understanding. For a life-line.

Ten days ago, while I was sitting at the table teaching English and wondering how this whole teenage parenting thing was gonna work out, I received answer to that prayer.

It wasn't what I was expecting.

It was a thought so very clear in my mind that I had to write it down to be sure it was true.

"Be present with those you're with."

Three days later, nearly to the hour, as I anticipated the crossing-off of To-Do lists; in between grocery lists and papers to grade I got caught in the cross-winds of a storm I didn't know was brewing in my heart: How am I supposed to navigate this crazy time of hormones and history papers? How am I to nurse the whiplash that comes in the battle of snarkyness vs. neediness that can happen from the same child within a ten-minute span? How do I mentor and mother? Teach and Talk? Listen and learn? 

Two little words calmed the raging storm. Hope came to soothe my heart as a dozen(ish) letters bled from my pen. 

Job description: Be available.

That's a hard one for me. It always has been. 

 Over and over again I have had to choose to be available. 

Why did I think it would change now?

This Wednesday we had our usual Family Night. We started this tradition over a decade ago when I realized that The Mister and I needed a night that we could count on... a night when we could spend some time with the kids, and then after tucking them in bed, could have some time together. It's been our date night, and with the exception of a half-a-dozen very good reasons, we have kept that date. 

Not every night has been sweetness and light. As a matter of fact there have been some Wednesday evenings that we all should have just crawled into bed at 6:00 pm and stayed there. But our choice to be available to one-another every Wednesday over the period of a decade is beginning to show its fruit. And to be very honest with you, two nights ago it was of great encouragement to me.

Why?

Because choosing to be available again, and again, in the face of discouragement - when family night felt more like a lesson in patience; when others around us discouraged us, didn't understand us, sometimes even asked us to change our date to accommodate things they thought more important; when I just didn't have energy or desire to plan and prepare and my attitude reflected it -  there was still blessing in being available. 

This Wednesday my two worlds collided: that world of choosing availability when my children were little (even when I couldn't see the fruit) and realizing how important it will continue to be as I navigate these sometimes-murky teenage waters. 

Maybe, even more important.

This week Family Night was a quiet and tender gift ... just for me... although, at the time, even I didn't know it.

I made a dinner that everyone loved. The bread came out just perfect. The Girl set the table with added touches. Everyone was happy and communicative. The wine tasted delicious. 

Laughter and Joy and Love was set before us. As we looked across our big walnut table at the faces of this family, we got to taste and see what is good... and it helped me glimpse into the future. 

This. This one moment that took eleven-years to build is what comes of being available, but this isn't the end. Its just the beginning. 

Time is flying... but I don't need to worry... when all plans fail... when I think I am failing... 

I will choose to be present with those I am with... 

I choose to be available.

By the Sea

I took a little blog-hiatus last week to get prepared for our family weekend away.

The Mister had a long-weekend so we whisked away Friday for an overnight trip to Atlantic beach.

Originally we had planned to camp on the beach at a State Park, but axed that plan at the last minute. Which was good, because after 7 hours of playing in the surf and sand, we were all ready to come home.

Today I come back to reality. Its not gonna be easy. First thing on my agenda (The bad news): a dentist appointment. The good news is that when you start your day with the dentist, it can only get better from there.

Happy Monday Tuesday!

Change of Plans: for which I am grateful

This day was scheduled to be the start of another week on my own, but in a great turn of events I've got two kids sleeping in their own beds and a full week already planned!

I took the two-hour (one way) drive to get my Girl from camp on Saturday.

It was not an easy week for her, and although she said it wasn't entirely without its fun moments, she promptly declared she wouldn't go again.

Her favorite part of each day was Chapel - she has a notebook full of handwritten notes - she said the teacher was amazing, and she looked forward to going both morning and night. But she said her heart was very sad, because several of her cabin-mates are living very difficult lives- and their attitudes and actions (and often their words) reflect that reality.

She said she spent every day hoping that I had decided to come get her.

She came home with heaviness of heart - burdened in the way any compassionate person should feel, after-all, we live in a broken world. I just didn't expect it to come from a weekend of "fun" camp.

While she was away The Boy was doing drama camp and did amazingly well in his first dramatic play ever...and what's more, he had the best time and met some really fun kids. After hearing about The Girl's experience, he opted to stay home this week and hang out with his friends here in town... and sleep in his own bed. Chances are his experience would have been vastly different - we know his counselor would have been awesome (he's a friend of ours), and unlike The Girl he would have known a couple of the kids. But we also know that his friends here in town mean a lot to him, and often he only gets to see them in the summer. I know he will have just as good a time at home this week.

Secretly (although I am certain it isn't a secret) I'm grateful to have my kiddos home. Our family likes to be together. We always have, and I hope we always will.

What I Did on My Mother's Day Weekend: An Essay (Of Sorts)

 It had been a while since our little family of four had had some time together.

No phone. No TV. Just us chickens, and 72 hours of togetherness.

We were long overdue.

Thursday morning we threw the kids in the car and headed to Mt. Airy, or Mayberry if you will, to visit the home of Andy Griffith.

As you can see in the picture above we immediately took our kids to the Mayberry jail - to show them what would happen should they choose a life of crime.

Unfortunately, the plan backfired....

...they cuffed me...

...and threw me in the slammer.
Happy Mother's Day!

Just down the street from the old Mayberry Jail is an emporium and antique mall.

My kids L-O-V-E antique malls. Which is sort of funny, but it works for us. Last year at this time we took them to an amusement park and they both said they liked it but probably wouldn't want to go back. Which is just as well. Antique stores are cheaper...usually.

The only hard part about antiquing is that The Mister and I couldn't believe some of the wares were truly  antique shop worthy. You know, things like 8-track tapes and vinyl records.

The next picture is one of my husband having a "teachable moment" with the kids.

 This is the first time my kids have ever seen a vinyl record.

As we set that record down and walked away The Girl asked, "Did you even have TV's when you were my age?" 

Rotten kids.

Of course we had TV's when I was a kid! However, I did have to walk to the TV, barefoot, uphill both ways, just to change the channel.

There was so much to see and of course we had to try on every hat...

...and lay on every lounge.

She LOVED all these old couches. 

Shopping worked up a good appetite so we took the kids to Barney's Cafe for lunch, followed by more shopping at the Emporium. To kill some time before checking into the cabin I picked up a latte at the coffee shop and the kids got milkshakes at the Mayberry Soda Fountain.

We also ran into the Barefoot Prophet. He was very nice and gave us great directions to the Post Office and told us that he had gone without shoes for 18 years. He said, "I'm known around here as the Barefoot Prophet. Do you take the internet? Cuz I'm on the YouTube. Just punch in 'The Barefoot Prophet" and you will see me there."

He was a very nice man. Wish I had taken his picture.

We finally made it the River Rhys Cabin, where I promptly put on a pot of coffee and set down for a spell.

It was a lovely little cabin with a warm and homey kitchen.

 And a sweet little table that was perfect for our family of four...

Often we banished the kids to their loft...

So we could enjoy some peace and quiet of our own.

Of course we didn't spend too much time indoors...we spent a lot of time on the front porch watching the kids wrestle and sipping the local wine.

We played games. We have a tradition of playing Clue on vacation, and this year The Boy finally won!

We also had visitors. The neighborhood dogs came every morning to say hello, and our residential animal lover was in puppy heaven.

 Two at the front door....

...Two at the back.

When I grew tired of sitting on the front porch...I sat on the back.

 It was difficult to look out to such scenery, but I prevailed.

Speaking of scenery...we hiked Pilot Mountain and took in the sights. 

(The vista was nice to look at too.)

The trails were easy and light...

 The Rhododendron so bright we had to wear shades.

 We scaled walls...

 ...hung from cliffs.

...and leapt from granite mountains in a single bound.

 We laughed....

 ...and laughed...

 ...and laughed...

It was good to be together.

A Joyful Noise: Family Style

There are two songs that will make me weepy every-single-time.

The Star Spangled Banner and Happy Birthday.

Why Happy Birthday?

I don't know.

Maybe its because birthdays (not just my own) are always filled with such hope: a new life, a new year, a new beginning.

Maybe its because birthdays remind me of the love I have for others - the love others have for me.

This year I did not cry. I laughed.

This year the serenade of Happy Birthday reminded me of the joy a family brings...we don't always sing on-key, but we love each other with all we have...I love them so.

PS: Ignore my scratching...it was Day Three without anti-histamines (more on that tomorrow)

Trip or Vacation?

Since the birth of my children vacations have sort of taken on a whole new meaning.

Gone are those days when I can travel with my bottle of water and a couple of magazines. Gone are those days when the “snack” thrown in my carry-on was a pack of Trident gum and a Powerbar.

Here is a short-list of what must be packed when going on a family trip: Goldfish crackers, the favored blankie, Cheerios, two thousand books, juice boxes, a couple of movies, Nilla Wafers, eight pairs of shoes, a cooler of drinks, clothes for warm weather, clothes for cool weather, extra blankets, wipes, paper toilet seat-cover things, and duct tape (cuz you just never know when you might need some duct tape).

And that’s just the stuff I pack for my husband.

Of course, after all has been packed and we pull out of the drive-way, there will be at least one opportunity to turn back around because someone has to tinkle (although she didn’t have to when you left the house); but it’s all-right, because The Planner and Packer (that would be me) has forgotten her toothbrush and she wasn’t about to admit it.

Honestly, we have enjoyed some amazing trips over the years.

A few of the most memorable have been:

When we went to Montana and stayed on a working cattle ranch.

We’ve been to Yellowstone Park, where we waited for almost an hour to see Old Faithful Geyser.

I'll never forget driving all morning to get a glimpse of consistent history. I wanted the kids to see what I had seen so many times as a kid. Of course, right as it spouted up in its faithful glory, a helicopter flew over and hovered nearby. The kids, would not taking thier eyes off that chopper. Why look at a water spout when a chunk of machinery is hovering above?

We have been to the Atlantic ocean on Christmas day.

And Washington D.C.

When we took the kids to Mt Rushmore (specifically) for a nighttime lighting ceremony, The Girl (who was three at the time) didn’t like the dark, so she cried in fear until I took her inside the museum...before the lighting began.

We took them to the Great Smoky Mountains in early spring 2006. When we got there it started to snow. The snow was falling so hard by 8pm that we hauled our pajama’d selves to the car and found a hotel down the mountain. The next morning we found the tent had collapsed with the weight of the snow.

That following summer we decided to try our luck again and went back to that same campground.

What we didn’t know is that August is yellow jacket season. We stirred up a nest while hiking. We all got stung, The Mister taking the brunt with 26 stings.

Good times. Family vacations.

Right about now you may be thinking me the most pessimistic mother in all BloggerLand, but that’s far from the truth.

In all these trips there lies one common theme: we came home tired, but we came home happy.

I had prepared and planned for a picture-perfect vacation, but what we really desire as a family are the trips.

We love the company. The conversation. The prolonged chunk of time in togetherness.

We love the quality that comes with quantity.

Sure, there were bees, snowstorms, messes, and lots of work (cause you can’t leave the title of “mom” back home), but there were also quiet moments of skipping rocks across the pond; roasting marshmallows over a fire; carrying a sleepy child to his sleeping bag at 6:30pm, cuz he’d run himself ragged.

I'll never regret those memories of reading fire-side with The Mister when our little campers went to bed, or the early morning coffee while watching the sunrise.

I'll forever be grateful for the truly good things that are born of the stings and storms in life.

It’s the hard parts of a trip that make the good parts a vacation.

As Erma Bombeck said,

“A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, 
experienced with discomfort 
and remembered with nostalgia”

*this is a rewrite (with added pictures) of a guest post I did for DandelionDayz in July of 2008. 

While I Can

~I woke up this morning to a very early thunderstorm...and a ten year old Girl in my bed.

She wasn't really afraid.

She just likes any opportunity to climb in bed with me.

There will be a day when she won't do that anymore.

So I'll take it when I can.

~ The Boy ran errands with me last week.

While walking through the parking lot that twelve year old took my hand.

He wasn't worried about being seen by his peers, or feeling that weird pre-teen ambivalence.

There'll be a day when he won't do that anymore.

So I'll take it when I can.

~ The Girl asked her Daddy if she would push her on the swing.

He was tired and it was muggy outside. The mosquitos were in full force.

But he looked at me and said, "There'll come a day when she won't want me to push her.

So I'll take it when I can."

~ I spent so much time looking forward to the day when they would walk, and talk, and play, and learn, and love.

Its here.

And its not enough.

So I'll laugh, and listen, and linger.

I'll pray...pray I don't let too many opportunities to spend time with them pass me by.

Cuz there will be a day when we can't do that as easily anymore...

...so I'll take it when I can.

The secret to happiness is not in having what you want,

but in wanting what you have.

~Barclay Goldmsith

Feeling Blue

Robin's Egg Blue to be exact.

Last week was such a nice time of rest.

With The Mister home we did some school, some building:

 (OK, The Mister did all the building, but I made sure he was well stocked in Mt. Dew!),

Some hiking:

Some cleaning, some reading, and some playing.

Not too much.

But not too little.

We took advantage of the warmer days to check out a new hiking trail (we have many within a 10 mile radius of our house). The river in many places was frozen. But the sky was blue and the sun was warm.

We had a picnic, and the kids played with ice.

Unfortunately, The Mister had to go back to work.

In the hopes of making this day go quickly until he comes home, we have a busy day planned.

I plan to have my shelves primed, painted, dried and ready for move-in by this evening.

Life is good.

I always have a hard time after vacation is over, but today I am grateful...and amazingly rested after some good family time.

What are you up to this week?