Throwback Thursday: Being Present

{Throwback Thursday post from the Archives: originally posted on Mar 19, 2009 - LVCG}

I'm in the middle of trying to plan a little family vacation, so i am going to use today's computer time for that. But I wanted to share one of my favorite pictures. This was before we had a digital camera so this picture looks fake ...but oh! this day was very real.

This was taken outside of Estes Park, Colorado on a trail that I think was called The Devils Backbone. It was the summer of 2003. 

This picture means so much to me because I was finally coming out of struggle in my life. 

I had had a long battle with myself; I was finally feeling free. I was in the early stages of being healthy--body, mind, and spirit. 

I was really living. 

The air was cool. A monsoon storm was threatening to roll over the valley that quietly sat beneath the opposite side of the ridge. 

I can still smell the rain on the wind, feel the dirt on my hands. I can see different shades of green foliage, blue sky, and red earth; with the dark clouds of black and grey, that couldn't have have darkened my spirit, even if it poured out heavy drops of rain. I looked into the deep brown eyes of my children; felt the dry, strong, hand of The Misters in mine.

I was alive. 

In that moment, I felt blessedly content.

The voice of a hawk called from the craggy crevices behind us. Daring us to walk closer, yet we stayed on the trail. We hiked to a bench that sat between the path overlooking the valley, we sat and watched bolts of bluish lightening make its presence known. 

It is something I will never forget...that time when I realized how amazing life can be when we choose to be present. 

Storms may be on the horizon. 

The trail maybe steep. 

But there is rest for the soul in the midst. Where we resist the call to leave the road marked before us, and stand in awe of all that is good. 

...where we can breathe deeply, and smile.

Jeremiah 6:16,

(MSG)

God's Message yet again:

   "Go stand at the crossroads and look around. 

   Ask for directions to the old road,

The tried-and-true road. Then take it. 

   Discover the right route for your souls."

    

Shallow Comforts

* This post was written in September of 2007. Originally it was posted on another blog where I occasionally guest posted. In light of all "resolution talk" that goes around this time of year, re-reading this post was a good reminder to me. A reminder to focus back on what's important.

It is a bit long. So getcha a cup of coffee...You'll need it if you plan to stay all night tonight anyway!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several weeks ago I started a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel.  

The beginning of this study opens with Beth making parallels between the Babylon of Daniel’s time and the culture we live in today.

I agree with Beth, we do live in a modern day Babylon, where outward appearance is of supreme importance and everything from the magazine stand to the shampoo bottle is telling us that we deserve to be happy and wealthy; we “can have it all”. 

Our culture tells us that we can wish for, buy, steal or borrow happiness.  As a culture we are inundated with slogans, ad campaigns and “people” that tell us what we can do, think, and feel to achieve success and be considered ‘highly’.  

These products and philosophies are all distractions, taking my focus off the most important thing in life and replacing Him with surface level band-aids not meant at all to help the core of the problem. What is my problem?  Glad you asked!

My problem is that I am a sinner, completely and totally needy for a Savior. I have not committed any really “bad” sins so far in my life. I am faithful to my husband; I try to be a good mom. I give to the church and make meals for the needy. I am involved in ministry and do my best to be nice. OH! I have several pastors’ wives as good friends and I go, every week, to lady’s bible study, so I keep nice company. 

And yet…

 I do have a problem. One you can’t see and I try to keep hidden. A deep seated ugliness that I could pin on the whole Adam and Eve/Fall of Man thing. It’s the problem of not realizing how much I depend upon the things of the world to satiate my need for the One Thing. 

I need to sit down and remind myself that it is not a new wardrobe, not a pill, not a new exercise program, not to lose another five pounds, but The Savior alone, that can cure me. 

For the record, I’m talkin’ Jesus here.

I have become so beguiled to the culture I live in, that not only am I sucked in by the hype, but worse, I have stopped seeing how much it affects me.  

Apathy: that’s a scary place to be.  The trap apathy lays before me is one that isn’t the easiest to escape.

I’m reading Thomas a Kempis right now. This quote hit where it hurts this week:

It is unthinkable that a man can truly find happiness in this life, if at the same time he views himself as an exile here and sees his soul surrounded by many dangers.

On a day to day basis, I don’t see my soul surrounded by many dangers. I have grown complacent and comfortable in a culture that tells me that I am good and deserve happiness, and spoon feeds me information that I have been told I want to hear. To add insult to injury, I have found myself licking that plate clean and asking for more.  Because the things I think will fix me cannot satisfy my neediness.  It’s like eating cotton candy; a beautiful mound of fluffy pink cloud, full of empty calories that leave me wanting.  

All is distraction. Dangerous distractions that keep me from the realization that I cannot find happiness in a place where I am not meant to stay. Even if my time here lasts 90 years, this world is not my home.

Blessed is the man who can set aside all distraction…

Act with courage, for habit is broken by habit.

 –Kempis

At the beginning of the study it was suggested that we exercise a tiny bit of self-denial in a culture full of indulgence, abstaining from rich meats or something that would give us a chance to tell ourselves “no”. It could be anything and not just food and only for a time. 

This is suggested to be a tangible reminder to stand apart from our culture, a lot like Daniel and his friends did when they asked to be fed on a diet that was the antithesis of the Kings table. He did this because he refused to lay down the standards of God in exchange for the standards of men.  

I asked God to show me the ways in which I feed my mind upon the things of the world that are harmful to my soul.

And He answered.

I am a current events and news junky. I get on line several times a day to look up multiple news websites to see what is happening in the world. CNN, NYCTimes, and my local paper. Oh, and to keep up on “current events”, I also go to the People Magazine website. Every. Day.  

I was sad when I clicked over to People and saw that we, as a country, are watching young women deteriorate right in front of our eyes. 

One young singer in particular is in-over-her-head in an apathetic trap; losing her friends, fans, career, and maybe even her children.  She is losing her life, and I am logging on every day to see what will happen next; Aiding and abetting a mockery that is chewing up this woman and spitting her out.  

I am not saying that reading a People magazine is “bad”.  What I am saying is that I have become so indoctrinated in the way of the world that I can no longer identify her ugliness with the fact that it is really the same as mine...she is trying just as hard to feed that needy place reserved exclusively for Christ, with the cotton candy lies of the world. It’s just that my neediness isn’t plastered all over the world in a black sequin bikini; Mine is hidden behind a casserole and standard pew at church. 

So, I am giving current affairs and news stories a rest.  I have limited myself to the local 5 o’clock news and weather.com from now until December.  It’s been hard this week because browsing the news websites has become a habit. But I am looking forward to hearing what God has to share with me in the weeks to come as I clean out my head and heart of the rubbish, and replace them with the things of God.

The “shallow comforts of this world” aren’t enough.  I know that, but I don’t live that. 

It’s time to start.

True-ism: Comparison (Part 2)

This week we have been looking at Romans 12: 2, 5 & 6.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out.

So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

The True-ism for this week is: 

When I compare myself with others, I engage 

in a game that has no winners. God, help me 

remember that what matters most is that you 

love me, just as I am.

As you all know, I took a blogging break this week. It was an awesome week because I had the opportunity to spend time with my kids, but also with people I really enjoy. 

There were also moments when I could really be quiet...when I could think.

And listen.

I asked the Lord: How do I make comparisons that tear myself (and others) down, instead of build up?

What the Lord kept bringing to my mind was the time I led worship for Ladies Bible Study in North Texas.  

We went to a very large church. At that time the Women in the Word ministry had at least 250-300 women every Thursday morning for bible study. Through a series of events I ended up on the worship team. 

Eventually the leader of our team stepped down to become a first time mom to three children she adopted internationally. Around that same time the gal who had played the guitar left too (Hi CWD!) and I was appointed leader.

I had had a lot of musical experience in my life but I knew that I wasn't exactly "qualified" to be a worship leader. At the time I didn't play the guitar and I had little knowledge of what it took to lead worship for such a large group of women. 

If ever there was a time to compare, this was it. 

However, I was way too busy trying to figure out what I was going to do...so I prayed.

God sent us an amazing piano player (we'll call her J), who not only could play in all styles, but was familiar with all types of music, both contemporary and traditional. She also had a degree in music and played at least four different instruments, so she was able to teach me things I needed to know.

God also sent J's friend, E, who was an amazing bass player. She would come in and quietly play. She was fun and friendly and laid back. She lent a calm to the group.

Then there was our other E, who sang harmony to my melody (and occasionally played guitar.) Apart we were both decent singers, but together, we were amazing (if I do say so myself!)

After a while I began to dream of finding a girl drummer. God then sent EW to our Girl Band. EW would come to practice and I would say, "I want this song to have percussion, but since I can't even sing and clap my hands at the same time, you're pretty much on your own." She would look at me and say, "OK" and she would make up these rhythms that were awesome!

Together, the five of us were amazing. There wasn't a Thursday that someone didn't comment on how they loved the worship portion of bible study. 

Now that I have boldly boasted about our team...I am not being modest when I tell you that it wasn't because of my vast worship-leading skills that made us the team we were. It was because God had a plan. 

By now you may be asking yourself what any of this has to do with comparison? 

The truth in this situation was that I knew that I had no control. I knew that I could not play piano. I knew that I could not play bass. As a melody-singing soprano I could not sing those rich alto harmonies, and I certainly could not play the drums! 

I love the Roman passage above, especially the last sentence: 

...let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

You know, in this situation it would have been easy to look at the talents I didn't have as "defects", or problems that kept me from being a One Woman Show. 

For example, I could have come in and sat down at that piano and asked God why, (after taking three years of first year piano and literally making my piano teacher cry), I never learned to play? 

I could have sat at that drum set and crossed my arms in ungrateful willfulness that I had not been given the gift of rhythm. 

I could have cried out to the heavens that it was unfair that I could not sing harmonies and melodies at the same time! 

I could have held a grudge that I couldn't carry a strong, solid bass for every situation in my life.

I could have (and in other areas of my life I most certainly have!)...but I didn't, because I knew that these were not things that I could fix. 

I knew that these gifts and talents were not something I could muster up, paint on, or fit into. 

I knew this situation was way out of my control.

I had no choice but to "go ahead and be what I was made to be". In this particular situation I was to be a soprano with some leadership skills. 

God took care of the rest.

This week I was reading a devotional I was given a long time ago called "Let Go" by Fenelon. 

It's a series of forty spiritual letters.

The title of Letter 13 was so very appropriate for me this week: 

Despair  at Our Imperfections Is A

Greater Obstacle Than the

Imperfection Itself

Amen!?!!

Here is the gist of Fenelon's letter:

"...when we concentrate on our defects, forgetting that Jesus loves us, we become restless, the presence of God is interrupted, and the flow of God's love is hindered. The humiliation we feel about our own defects can often be a greater fault than the original defect itself if it keeps you from moving into the realization of God's love."

Last week I mentioned that Comparisons happen in every area of our lives. Never was this more true for me than when my focus was on my physical appearance. I couldn't walk into a room without wondering what I looked like; without comparing myself to those who were in the room with me. I couldn't have a normal conversation with someone because I was too busy thinking about myself.

Comparison is the quickest road to failure. It's a forked path. One way leads to Discontent. The other leads to sister-cities: Never Starting or Quitting. 

Both roads lead to Nowhere.

My challenge for you (as you continue to think on Comparison) is to focus on those things in life that God has given you, and also to become more aware of how God uses those "defects" by allowing others in your life and ministry to compliment you. 

Allowing God to use your gifts and talents alongside someone else's gifts and talents is a blessing, if we can get our heads out of ourselves. 

I pray that you can identify area's in your life that you use comparison as a motivation to change into something your weren't created to be, and instead ask God to motivate you towards His plan for your life! I pray that you will not "let yourself get taken up with the lesser of the two!" (Fenelon)

~Kellie

***I would love to know what your thoughts are on comparison! If you choose to write please sign up under Mr Linky! Also, in this next week we are focusing on Criticism and Phil. 4:8. Join us!

The Gambler

Do you remember that old Kenny Rogers song The Gambler?

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..."

Yes! That's the one.  I knew you'd know it!

Well this weekend The Mister and I made a little wager. 

A $20 wager.

For the record,  I 'm gonna win.  But isn't gonna be easy.

Several weeks ago, in the interest of keeping it real here on the blog, I decided to go on a bloggers limb. I posted this post about my struggle with body image and how I got from there to here. 

Today, when it comes to feeling comfortable in my body and treating it well, I do pretty well. But getting here has been hard...and it didn't happen overnight.

I also don't think this is an issue I will ever be able to wear the "Been There, Done That" t-shirt. It will always be a battle of the mind. I think it's every women's battle to some extent. Especially in today's culture.

A couple weeks ago I read Phillipians 3:19:

Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)

The author of this verse (Paul) is talking about the "enemies of the cross of Christ". 

This verse struck a chord with me because I am not an enemy of the cross of Christ, but in many ways I feed a god of my own kind: The Scale.

Gone are the days when weighing myself was an compulsive obsession, but I still weigh myself more than I ought. I give way too much thought to a number when that number is not who I am. 

(As a side note, there was a time many years ago that The Mister got rid of our scale, but after about a year I bought a new one.)

I will confess that I still weigh myself several times a week.  Even though I have hovered around the same healthy weight for a long while.

So that's the back story, and it's how The Wager came to be. 

This weekend I was skimming through  The Best Life Diet by Bob Greene.  I'm not reading it to follow his diet plan, but I had heard that there were some tasty, quick and easy recipes in this book that were high in fiber. We have a child with fairly severe  IBS, and keeping up high fiber intake in a 10 year old takes a lot of effort. I needed some ideas.

One of Bob's non-food related recommendations is that you get off the scale. In fact he encourages his diet plan participants to step on the scale to get a starting weight; then step off for a full month.

After considering this idea for a couple of days I shared the excerpt with The Mister and asked if he thought I could do it: Go a whole month without weighing myself.

He smiled, did a cute little chuckle like he was contemplating his answer, and surprised me when he said, "No."

So I bet him twenty bucks that I could.

We both walked to the bathroom and I weighed myself one last time. Then I put the scale away, and we shook hands and sealed our deal with a kiss.

I won't weigh again until July 1, 2008.

I am not sure if I will post much about this, but I might. Especially when I am already surprised about how much I think about weighing myself. 

It was my second thought this morning (coming after my first thought, which was "I need coffee.") 

I bet I spend more time thinking about this than I realize. 

When it comes to the scale, I think it is a great tool. I have a 5 pound spectrum that I know is a good weight for me. I highly doubt I will over-reach the top end of that spectrum in a month. But even if I do, when it comes to the scale, it's there to serve me, not to serve it. 

When a number dictated by a small white box takes my focus from more important matters, "You gotta know when to walk away, and know when to run."