Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Do you Twitter? If you don't, I'll need to explain.
Twitter is a fun social media platform that is kind of like blogging. Only you don't get an unlimited space to flesh out your thoughts.
You get 140 characters.
You'd be amazed at how much I can say in 140 characters.
Or maybe you'd be surprised at how much nothing I can say...
This post isn't about blogging, or Tweeting. It isn't a slam on those who do. (Cuz i love my Tweeps, oh yes i do!)
It's about my heart and mind. So here i go...
I was reading yesterday, and realized that I am restless.
I cannot think.
I cannot write.
Cannot speak for all the bits and pieces running through my head.
Trying to pray, I realized that my life has become completely fragmented.
My life is a series of jumping thoughts and sporadic conversations.
My days a chain of incomplete answers. Incomplete understanding.
Its been half a conversation here, an undeveloped idea there.
It's been forgetting what I am going to say while in the middle of a sentence. Not just in writing, but while I am actually speaking.
Its more than the unquenchable desire to say more. Its the hunger- the very need- to expand my thoughts to a greater space; To be able to finish a project, a book, a discussion.
I don't want be blind when the light shines all around me.
It occurred to me that in the feelings and emotions of such a full year (which included job changes, cross-country moves, new schooling, etc.) I have attempted to to live a full and wonderful life...in 140 characters.
There is no part of my life that isn't affected.
This fast-paced, cram-it-all-in, mentality is invading my life in places where there is no room for emptiness.
There is depth, and breadth, and height to be filled.
I must make the time to fill it.
This summer I hope to gather perspective.
To stop rushing to conversation just to hear myself speak.
I want to be renewed.
A Disciple's Renewal
O My Saviour,
I am so slow to learn,
so prone to forget,
so weak to climb;
I am in the foothills when I should be
on the heights;
I am pained by my graceless heart,
my prayerless days,
my poverty of love,
my sloth in the heavenly race,
my sullied conscience,
my wasted hours,
my unspent opportunities.
I am blind when light shines around me:
take the scales from my eyes,
grind to dust the evil heart of unbelief.
Make it my chiefest joy to study thee,
meditate on thee,
gaze on thee,
sit like Mary at they feet,
lean like John on thy breast,
appeal like Peter to thy love,
count like Paul all things dung.
Give me increase and progress in grace
so that there may be
more decision in my character,
more vigour in my life,
more fervour in my zeal.
As I have a position in the world,
keep me from making the world my position;
May I never seek in the creature
what can only be found in the Creator;
Let not faith cease from seeking thee
until it vanishes into sight.
Ride forth in me, thou King of kings
and Lord of lords,
that I may live victoriously,
and in victory attain my end.
(Valley of Vision:
Puritan Prayers and Devotions)