Conversation with The Boy...

...Or: Random Thoughts From Kellie's Brain (you've been warned)

Recently I came up with a new system. The system was born out of frustration really. I am frustrated of asking people to pick up the same stuff over and over again. Socks, shoes, toys, play clothes. The list goes on and on.

So I started charging people. Well, just the medium size people. Meaning The Boy and The Girl, since The Mister wouldn't think it was funny and The Dog doesn't care. Actually, it's not that she doesn't care, it's just that she doesn't wear socks.

If I find "stuff" on the floor the offending party must pay me cash. It ranges from a quarter per item, (50cents for a pair of shoes) or higher, depending on my mood; or if there is a sale at The Loft.

I also have started charging a fee for every time I have to run back to the school to drop off forgotten water bottles, lunches, and books. I don't mind running it down two blocks to the school, but my services are no longer free. Mama needs a new pair of running shoes.

Yesterday, after school, the kids were sitting at the table doing their homework and I was drinking a glass of ice Passion tea and obsessively looking at the Weather website. I was watching the mercury climb higher and higher. The final temperature count here was 105 degrees. I totally could have baked cookies on the sidewalk.

The boy asked what I had done while they were at school and I told him that I had watched soap operas and ate Bon Bon’s done laundry in the morning, had called and made appointments for the three of us to get established with new doctors, and then worked at Grannie's office for a couple of hours before I picked them up from school.

They finished their homework, cleaned up the table and went off to play.

I had moved on from the weather to watching that crazy video of Ms. South Carolina doing her best to answer a geography question. I tried really hard not to watch it, but it's like a train wreck and in the end I couldn't divert my eyes. For the record, my answer would have been:

"Clearly this is a sad statistic, not to mention a very stupid question. I was fully prepared to answer a question that has to do with a hot topic, like say Iraq or South Africa. Although those are both such complicated issues I am sure I would be able to discuss them here succinctly, responsibly, and knowledgeably in 30 seconds or less. Instead I will just smile and say that if everyone would just watch Dora the Explorer they would eventually be able to find the US on a map because she always carries one in her back pack. I am sure she knows how to use it, but more importantly, she likes to share."

I know, I know, easy for me to say when I am not in front of a million people. But really, this gal made it to third runner up, which tells us one thing: Beauty pageants really ARE all. about. looks.

I guess that is a post for another time.

ANYWAY, back to my original story...I am sitting at the computer filling my brain with mindless garbage doing really important stuff, and The Boy walked into the kitchen and plunked a quarter down on my desk. I look down and say, "Whats this?"

"It's for doing my laundry."

"Oh. Well. That's sweet. But you don't need to pay me for that. For the moment, that is part of my job." (read: the minute I see the potential for your doing laundry without floods or breakage of the machine, you are SO going to do your own laundry)

"Then it's for taking good care of us. For baking us monkey bread (banana bread with chocolate chips) and making our doctors appointments, and stuff like that."

"Honey, that is really very kind. But those are things that I don't need to be paid to do. That's just what Mom's do! I am glad to do those little things."

This is when he realizes that the moment is getting a bit wordy for his taste and he decides to take his leave. But only while saying:

"Well then, just consider it a tip."

And he walked out of my kitchen.