I've been thinking a lot about humble places.
Mostly because I'm living in them.
Like most of us, I dream of greatness. I desire to be known. To do something big!
Yet, the lines for me have fallen in humble places.
At first it was difficult.
Pride and ego are hard to set aside.
Yet, the burden is in the holding, not in the letting go.
What do I mean by humble places?
Well, in all I have ever done, from tap dancing to mothering to bible teaching (and all things in between), I've always wanted to be the star.
I've done all these things with joy and love and passion. Because I was certain I could do them, or at least fake my way through.
Until I was called to homeschool.
The Artsy One, called to do something that she never really liked: school.
Homeschool is a place where no one sees what you do. (Other than your biological students, and they don't really count.)
No one tells you how awesome you sound... or how cute you're dressed... or how the subjects chosen were thrilling. They don't let you know that the history book you assigned, or the words you spoke, really moved them. Some days you wonder if all your effort is making one iota difference in there young lives.
No one tells you that your doing well, or what a great teacher you are, or how amazing it is that you are able to accomplish so much in a day.
As a matter of fact, many people will think you're weird, or too religious, or that you're actually harming your kids.
Others will say, "I could never do that!", and, "I could never be organized like that.", or "That's a lifestyle that isn't for me."---when what they really mean is: I'm scared I might become weird too.
How do I know these things?
Because once upon a time, before I was a homeschooler, I thought and said those things.
On more than one occasion.
To more than one homeschooling mom.
On the Daniel Safari this week we are focusing on:
We were asked to write about this question:
The truth is that I am still very much here, in my humbling experience. Where every-blessed-day, I lay down my own agenda...I choose to be content with what I have, and where I am. I close my ears to those who are opinionatedly verbal, who don't know, or don't want to know, why we are on this homeschooling road.
I'm learning that this center-stage girl is really OK with working behind-the-scenes.
In fact, I've grown to love the ways the Lord works through me when no one else is aware.
I'm learning that my desire for God to use me in a big way! to do big things! (read: in a very public way with myself at the center) takes my focus away from the truth: God's willingness to work in my life IS the big thing.
He's taken this Coffeegal, who never considered herself "smart", set her apart from her natural talents, and placed her in an arena where she HAS to depend on Him.
And the biggest gift of all? I get to learn these lessons of humility in the safest place of all: the center of my home.
That alone is proof that we serve a merciful God.
I'm not perfect. I still clamor for attention. I still (privately) pout when I don't get my way. Sometimes, when insecurity is running high and my ego begs for preening, I am far too quick to feed it. Every once in awhile I am prideful enough to compare myself with others, or worse, judge someone else who may have the position I once desired...