Thursday, November 03, 2011

Grumpy Gratitude Giver

I'm trying to hide it, but I'm in a bad mood.

Honestly, its not that bad (unless you ask my children) but I must confess the normally joyful heart that beats in my chest is feeling a little...  pensive.

I blame it on being grateful.

It is in this season when most in America begin to give thanks and, of course, its a good thing.

Honestly, if you've read this blog for any length of time you'll know I do my best to intentionally cultivate a heart of gratitude. Perhaps for me it is easy, I don't have much to grumble about, but in a weak moment I'll go searching for something.

I find it ironic that when all the world is giving thanks, I'm seeking-out reasons to grumble.

For instance yesterday morning, I could not decide what to wear. I tried on the clothes from my closet over and over. I was desperately looking for the elusive outfit that is supposed to make me feel different.  What is it that makes the outfit I wore last week, not enough this? Am I looking to be taller, thinner, cuter, wiser, friendlier, happier? I don't fully know, because it so often changes.

I'll tell you what I do know: I was flailing about in a closet brimming with clothes. Its a wardrobe that is clean and attractive, and in one grumpy moment, I decided it wasn't enough.

I stood at a proverbial fork-in-the-road. I was caught in a moment when I had the privilege to choose.

Unfortunately, the choice I made was the road most traveled, and it certainly makes a difference.

The self-focused road is a trap made to look like a savior.

I wish I could tell you it is just about my body and clothes. But it isn't. I often find complaint (even if unspoken) over the food in my cupboard. The children I raise. The man I am married to. The job that I have. The gifts I've been given. The talents I possess. The time that I need....just to name a few.

They are small non-issues in life; made bigger when the focus is me.

So today I give thanks for...

... second chances to walk a less traveled road.

... Truth in hard-hearted places (even when its uncomfortable)

... opportunities to turn this grumpy, greedy, gone-hiding heart, back to gratitude.

(Already I feel so much better.)


Gretchen said...

You couldn't have a grumpy, greedy, gone-hiding heart if you tried. Well, you could be a poser for a moment, but that's it. :)

"Second chances to walk a less traveled road..." Thank you, Jesus for this reminder from a full-hearted friend.

Tanya Dennis said...

I have days like that, too. I get in a frumpy mood for no good reason. Worse: I want to stay that way. When people try to show me the error of my perspective, I resent them for it.

Yes, thank God for second chances. For grace greater than all my imperfections ... for they are many.

Tracey said...

Loved this. Thank you for being you...Because you are a treasure.

Becca @ Our Crazy Boys said...

Some days it's SO hard to find the silver lining. That's when I try to remember that some people don't always get a silver lining.

Thank you for the reminder. :)

truth in weakness said...

hopped over here from sandy's blog. and you know, there's nothin' quite like authenticity. thank you!