Grumpy Gratitude Giver

I'm trying to hide it, but I'm in a bad mood.

Honestly, its not that bad (unless you ask my children) but I must confess the normally joyful heart that beats in my chest is feeling a little...  pensive.

I blame it on being grateful.

It is in this season when most in America begin to give thanks and, of course, its a good thing.

Honestly, if you've read this blog for any length of time you'll know I do my best to intentionally cultivate a heart of gratitude. Perhaps for me it is easy, I don't have much to grumble about, but in a weak moment I'll go searching for something.

I find it ironic that when all the world is giving thanks, I'm seeking-out reasons to grumble.

For instance yesterday morning, I could not decide what to wear. I tried on the clothes from my closet over and over. I was desperately looking for the elusive outfit that is supposed to make me feel different.  What is it that makes the outfit I wore last week, not enough this? Am I looking to be taller, thinner, cuter, wiser, friendlier, happier? I don't fully know, because it so often changes.

I'll tell you what I do know: I was flailing about in a closet brimming with clothes. Its a wardrobe that is clean and attractive, and in one grumpy moment, I decided it wasn't enough.

I stood at a proverbial fork-in-the-road. I was caught in a moment when I had the privilege to choose.

Unfortunately, the choice I made was the road most traveled, and it certainly makes a difference.

The self-focused road is a trap made to look like a savior.

I wish I could tell you it is just about my body and clothes. But it isn't. I often find complaint (even if unspoken) over the food in my cupboard. The children I raise. The man I am married to. The job that I have. The gifts I've been given. The talents I possess. The time that I need....just to name a few.

They are small non-issues in life; made bigger when the focus is me.

So today I give thanks for...

... second chances to walk a less traveled road.

... Truth in hard-hearted places (even when its uncomfortable)

... opportunities to turn this grumpy, greedy, gone-hiding heart, back to gratitude.

(Already I feel so much better.)

Psalm 139