What I Really Want

I've been thinking a lot this week about desiring God.

About filling that need inside of me that cries out for a Savior.

I've been thinking about how God knows me better than I know myself. He knows the ugly thoughts I have-- about myself, and others.

He knows all my feelings, all my wants, all my dreams, all my thoughts, all my failures, all my successes.

He knows my frustration, anger, and bitterness...He knows my every move.

He knows I long to fill spaces in my life with things I don't really want (or need)... though my flesh cries out to have them.

To some this may sound "personal".

It is.

Being known is always personal.

Several times this week I found myself in different parts of scripture, all with a common theme:


God knows who I really am, and He loves me.


I also spent this week thinking on this prayer from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayer and Devotions.

Its speaks what my heart couldn't form the words to whisper.

Oh, that God will lift my head when my focus on Him is lost.

I cannot live without Him.

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DESIRES

OH THOU THAT HEAREST PRAYER,

Teach me to pray.

   I confess that in religious exercises

      the language of my lips and the feelings

of my heart have not always agreed,

   that I have frequently taken carelessly upon

      my tongue a name pronounced above

   without reverence and humillity,

   that I have often desired things which

      have injured me,

   that I have depreciated some of my chief mercies,

   that I have erred both on the side of my hopes,

      and also of my fears,

   that I am unfit to choose for myself,

   for it is not in me to direct my steps.

Let thy Spirit help my infirmities,

   for I know not what to pray for as I ought.

Let Him produce in me wise desires by which

   I may ask right things,

     then I shall know thou hearest me.

May I never be importunate for temporal blessings,

   but always refer them to the fatherly goodness,

      for thou knowest what I need before I ask;

May I never think I prosper unless my soul prospers,

   or that I am rich unless rich toward thee,

   or that I am wise unless wise unto salvation.

May I seek first the kingdom and its righteousness.

May I value things in realtion to eternity.

May my spiritual welfare be my chief solicitude.

May I be poor, afflicted, despised and have

      thy blessing,

   rather than be successful in enterprise,

   or have more than my heart can wish,

   or be admired by my fellow-man,

      if thereby these things make me forget thee.

May I regard the world as dreams, lies, vanities,

      vexations of spirit,

   and desire to depart from it.

And may I seek my happiness in thy favour,

   image, presence, service.

*italic emphasis is mine