Monday, January 09, 2006

Once You Start You Can't Stop...

I was thinking this morning...

I washed my hair with shampoo and conditioner, then sprayed it with leave-in-conditioner, added mousse to the roots and hair "goo" to the ends, I am told this will make my hair shiny and supple, not dry like straw.

After the application of the hair product I put moisturizer on my face, applied under-the-eye cream, concealer, and lip balm, an attempt to keep my face moist. Then I realized that my hands, elbow and arms were dry, so it was time to find the lotion.

After completely drying my hair I had to spend 15 minutes just putting away all the stuff I had to pull out. It seems the older you get the more creams and lotions it takes to just keep you from cracking. I am not talking about warding off wrinkles here...I am talking about just looking "natural". This of course is the winter-time routine...the summer one is worse because it requires sunscreen too. It never seems to stop.

During this entire routine I was thinking about the year I was in 6th grade and asked my mom if I could shave my legs. She consulted that Woman's Handbook that women have in their heads (but of whom no one owns a hard copy) where it says that after a certain age you may tell your daughter she can shave her legs, but as a women of the human race your are required to give this warning: "Once you start, you can't stop."

There are many other things that must not be in the handbook, because they have caught me by surprise. I think I should write an entire section for the Woman's Handbook that has a chapter like this:

Warnings on getting older: The 30's... Every part of you will get dry. You will be required to purchase all sorts of face creams and potions just to keep you from shriveling like a raisin. You may buy these products in any smell according to your preference but be warned...some smells don't mix. It will take you 2 hours to get ready from start to finish unless you forget to dry your hair and go out with a wet head. In which case you will have a really, really bad hair day. When you reach your 30's your hair is tired so you must use product that makes it look....well...younger. Oh, by the way...Once you start you can't stop.

Also in this book:

Chocolate: A Staple Through the Ages: You were given chocolate as a child when you didn't appreciate it. You ate it through your teen age years when you actually had too much moisture in your face and it gave you acne. In your 20's you learned about the emotional value of that precious commodity. But now, in the teachable 30's, you know...Once you start you can't stop.


There are many other chapters we could add to the 30's section of the Womans Handbook. But at this point I have only 3 years tucked under my belt in this catergory...and I have a long list of things that always need doing...for example the never ending pile of laundry that must be faced today or I may have to send my sweet family to school and work wrapped in paper towels and scotch tape.

Laundry...yet another thing that --Once you start you can't stop.

2 comments:

meh said...

Keep tellin' it like it is!

Jen said...

Another "once you start you can't stop": Highlighting/coloring your hair. Oh, and to add to that Handbook - haircolor through the years...growing up your hair is naturally & beautifully hightlighted; in your 20's you begin to pay lots of money and spend lots of time to have your hair professionally colored/highlighted at an attempt to make it look like it did when you were 7 years old and sun-kissed from spending hours playing outside; in your 30's you discover that a box of $9 haircolor saves you lots of time and money, neither of which you have much of, and although it isn't so natural looking, it'll do. Hmm...I wonder what the 40's will hold for my coiff?...