A Letter From The Dog

Master,

Kellie and I have talked about your great frustration over my intense need to roll in poop. I know this causes you a great deal of anger and I am sorry. Per my conversation with my co-owner, your beloved wife, we will do our best to keep on a leash so that I am not tempted to run away (although I have a compulsion that I cannot control...since I am a canine...and although I am exceptionally bright, I am a little lacking in practical matters).

However, there are a number of dogs that run around our large yard (which, by the way, I thank you for) who tend to do their own business...and although I have agreed to the leash terms I cannot guarantee that I will never be tempted roll in disgustingness when it is lying around our acre.

Also, in my conversation with that lady who does her best to keep me fed and watered, she mentioned that she hates it that she had a tiff with you first thing in the morning and had to send you off to work in such haste. She sincerely hopes that you will forgive her.

Sorry for annoying you so much. I will try harder to be "man's best friend"...which I know is hard when I have "Ode de Feces" behind my ears.

Your pet,
Kona

PS: Early this morning I had a bath and am now bright and shiny, if not a little cold, and sitting in my kennel in the garage awaiting your homecoming. If I could I would have the paper and your slippers ready for you upon your arrival....but alas, I have been told that you have neither a subscription to the weekly paper nor a pair of slippers. I will make note of this and add it to my Christmas shopping list this year.

PPS: The Mrs. says she loves you...