I'm thankful for the garden each year, I love to get my hands in the dirt. This year feels even more like a gift, a new song. A beginning.
It was this time last year when I woke up on a Thursday morning feeling fine, but within two hours panic and anxiety had taken hold of my heart. I really haven't been the same since that day. On the outside you cannot tell, but my heart has been changed for the better... though there were days I wondered. The garden last year all but withered and died, the fruit small and wanting. A picture of the time to come.
In that one crazy week I realized life can change in an instant without much warning, and when it happens there isn't much you can do but cling to Jesus, and trust He will carry you though.
And He will, and the dust settles and life rolls on, and you have to keep trusting. Every. single. day.
The great news is this: God comes when you call Him. He will not delay. I know that is true.
I'm memorizing Psalm 40, a plea and a praise for God's saving help. I chose blindly, but it was no accident-- God has lifted me out of my own slimy pit, and has given me a firm place to stand. I need to have this truth pressed deep into my heart, though I haven't yet dared to forget.
Life is tender and fragile, yet hearty and full. Amazingly, those attributes are all intertwined. That is often hard for me, in life and in faith. I want to appear STRONG and COURAGEOUS, yet the weak shall inherit the earth. It is in our weakness we find our Strength.
He lifted me from the pit of anxiety and fear, and set my feet on a Rock. I'm learning to sing a new song. Sometimes the song is mournful, grieving that old self-reliant way--those weeds cannot stay. Other times the hymn is sweet-- God is faithful and loving, I can rejoice in His saving help. I can proclaim The Lord is Great! in ALL times. Both sing equally true.
I don't walk quite as tall in my own ability anymore--false security is always weak, even on its best day. When fear and panic starts to rise, I will trust in the saving help of a faithful God from who fear will flee. With His help I will remember His truth. Last year's garden was sorely neglected because I wasn't well... but this year holds new promises for me. May my song, in joy and affliction, always be one of praise.
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
5 Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
but my ears you have opened-
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
8 I desire to do your will, my God;
your law is within my heart.”
I do not seal my lips, Lord,
as you know.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased to save me, Lord;
come quickly, Lord, to help me.
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
15 May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
“The Lord is great!”
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.