About a year ago I was asked to write out my testimony. I never shared it here on the blog. This is in part to the personal nature of my story. It isn't easy to write. It isn't easy to share. But it is beautiful to me... because Christ has carried me through.
Today I share with you my greatest Love, my deepest wound, my biggest Victory. Jesus isn't just a sweet story of my life, He is my life.
He knows you just as well, and desires that you know Him. May His work in my life encourage you to pursue this Man of Sorrows who lifts our head and makes us clean.
With much love,
Personal Testimony of How I Became A Christian
I grew up a "good girl" in the Catholic faith. I had a heart for God as a young child and into my teenage years. In high school and college I was very active within our parish and spent many hours volunteering in different capacities within the church.
Although I was known for being "religious" I was private about my faith. I received great comfort in knowing there was a God, and knew that He had the best in mind for me, but the concept of the Trinity was confusing: I preferred not to talk about Jesus because he felt too controversial. The Holy Spirit was frightening to me, so I chose not to dwell on Him. In many ways, that was how I played out my faith in those early years, picking and choosing my belief based on what I could understand or feel -- or worse, how I would be perceived. I felt fairly certain that being a "good girl" had worked for me, that I could continue to do good, be good, and hang out with good people, then God would know I was good.
However, I was shaky about how good would be good enough to be in God's favor. I assumed that this was where "faith" played out.
I met my husband, (The Mister), during a very difficult time in my life. My family and I were sitting in the fall-out of crises. Through a series of events in my freshman year of college, I had been forced to expose over a decade of sexual abuse under the hand of my paternal grandfather. In this process, the large extended family chose to support my grandfather. I certainly felt alone like I never had before.
Somehow, I never lost sight that God was with me, but suddenly, at nineteen years of age I was no longer the "good girl." I was the whistle blower on issues that didn't begin with me, and had long been swept under the rug.
It was about 18 months after this had come to pass that I met (The Mister). He was already a follower of Jesus and he patiently fed me the Good News of Christ, over and over again. During that first year of friendship, and then dating, he told me that the only way to know God was to know His Son, Jesus. He explained that God could not look upon me because of my sin. I could never be or do enough good, but there was hope. Christ gave up His own life to pay for my sin. I could admit my sin and receive his salvation, and know a true and right relationship with God. He explained that the Holy Spirit wasn't something to ignore out of fear, but that God's work through the Holy Spirit would allow me to grow in life and love and truth.
I knew (The Mister) served a very different God than the one I had been serving, but it took me a long time to understand and make a decision. One evening in December of 1993, while The Mister and I were praying, I realized that God's Word (the Bible) was true, and His sacrifice was personal and real. I decided to trust Jesus as my Savior - to follow Him alone.
Since this decision, my spiritual life has continued to be a process as I daily set aside pride and my desire to earn salvation, and to focus my trust in Jesus. I've learned (and continue to learn) that I am more than the things I've done or will do, much more than the people I know... I have learned that my significance is based on who Christ says I am.
I no longer desire to keep my spiritual life private because Jesus heals me, everyday. He heals me from the profound effects of my own sin, and the sin of others. His love has carried me through dark times; has lavishly repaid "the years the locusts have eaten-" (Joel 2:25) and has given me joy that can only come from walking through life with Him.